Hitting Mommy

Rowan's been throwing toys and hitting people the past couple days.  We respond with immediate timeouts and threats to make him drive a Schwinn to his senior prom.

Last night Rowan was sitting with Julie on the couch.  He was facing her and had a wooden toy car and was driving it up her arm and toward her head.  You see where this is going, and so did I.  "You're going to get hit," I told her.  "Julie, he's going to--"

Julie glanced over.  "No, he's not going to--"  BAM!  Right in the bridge of her nose.  Her hands flew up to her face, sending Rowan backwards off the couch, where he hit the blunt, rounded corner of the coffee table and then the floor.  That's why you buy a coffee table with blunt, rounded corners.

I picked up Rowan and examined him.  He was freaking out but otherwise fine. 

"Dan, is he okay?" Julie said from behind her hands, which were holding a now bleeding nose.

I am always a sensitive and calming influence during times of crisis.  "Rowan's fine!  Why doesn't anyone listen to me?  I told you he was going to hit you.  Whoa, you're bleeding!" 

At that moment, Rowan chose to chime in: "Mommy hut me!  Mommy hut me!"

I held him under the armpits at eye level with me.  "Dude!  Are you serious?  Mommy did not hurt you."  Then I said very slowly and menacingly, "You hurt Mommy.  You hit her in the nose with a car."

When is the Father of the Year ceremony?  I'll need to iron my cummerbund.

Rowan began to cry again.  "Nooooo!"

"Yes, you did!  You hit Mommy in the nose with a car.  Hitting hurts."

"I hut Mommy."

"You hurt Mommy."

"WAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

I hauled him into the kitchen and got Julie some ice; when we returned to the living room, she was doubled over on the floor, sobbing.  The real pain hit her only when she realized Rowan wasn't hurt.  Have you ever gotten nailed in the nose with a wooden car?  I could tell her nose wasn't broken, but the edge of the car must've connected with the top part of the bridge of her nose and split the skin.  She took Advil, iced, and went upstairs to lie down.  I fed the kids dinner and watched them play awhile; at one point, Lyla and Rowan got into a dispute and Rowan chucked a toy across the room.  I put them both to bed early, and this morning they slept late.

Julie and Rowan have since made up.  Note the Band-Aid.